It's an affliction, for sure, which when undiagnosed and misunderstood
can devastate and literally tear a family apart. Very little is known
about O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome. But it is my hope this article will generate
interest from researchers involved in the equine and psychological sciences. You
will, no doubt, begin to identify similar symptoms in your own family and
hopefully now be able to cope.

Obsessive Compulsive Equine Attachment Neurosis Syndrome (O.C.E.A.N.S)
is usually found in the female and can manifest itself anytime from birth to
the golden years. Symptoms may appear any time and may even go dormant in
the late teens, but the syndrome frequently re-emerges in later years.

Symptoms vary widely in both number and degree of severity. Allow me to
share some examples which are most prominent in our home.

The afflicted individual:
1. Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can't tell whether milk has
gone bad until it turns chunky.
2. Finds the occasional "Buck and Toot" session hugely entertaining,
but severely chastises her husband for similar antics.
3. Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her tack, but wants to
eat on paper plates so there are no dishes.
4. Considers equine gaseous excretions a fragrance.
5. Enjoys mucking out four stalls twice a day, but insists on having a
housekeeper mop the kitchen floor once a week.
6. Will spend an hour combing and trimming an equine mane, but wears a
baseball cap so she doesn't waste time brushing her own hair.
7. Will dig through manure piles daily looking for worms, but does not
fish.
8. Will not hesitate to administer a rectal exam up to her shoulder,
but finds cleaning out the Thanksgiving turkey cavity for dressing quite
repulsive.
9. By memory can mix eight different supplements in the correct
proportions, but can't make macaroni and cheese that isn't soupy.
10. Twice a week will spend an hour scrubbing algae from the water
tanks,but has a problem cleaning lasagna out of the casserole dish.
11. Will pick a horse's nose, and call it cleaning, but becomes
verbally violent when her husband picks his.
12. Can sit through a four-hour session of a ground work clinic, but
unable to make it through a half-hour episode of Cops.

The spouse of an afflicted victim:
1. Must come to terms with the fact there is no cure, and only slightly
effective treatments. The syndrome may be genetic or caused by the
inhaling of manure particles which, I propose, have an adverse effect on female
hormones.
2. Must adjust the family budget to include equine items - hay,
veterinarian services, farrier services, riding boots and clothes,
supplements, tack, equine masseuse and acupuncturist - as well as the
(mandatory) equine spiritual guide, etc. Once you have identified a
monthly figure, never look at it again. Doing so will cause tightness in your
chest, nausea and occasional diarrhea.
3. Must realize that your spouse has no control over this affliction.
More often than not, she will deny a problem even exists as denial is
common.
4. Must form a support group. You need to know you're not alone - and
there's no shame in admitting your wife has a problem. My support group,
for instance, involves men who truly enjoy HarleyDavidsons, four-day
weekends and lots of scotch. Most times, she is unaware that I am even
gone, until the precise moment she needs help getting a 50- pound bag of
grain out of the truck.

Now you can better see how O.C.E.A.N.S. affects countless households in
this country and abroad. It knows no racial, ethnic or religious
boundaries. It is a syndrome that will be difficult to treat because
those most affected are in denial and therefore, not interested in a cure.